In the first part of this miniseries, we explored the post-COVID loneliness pandemic, the different forms of loneliness and what we can do to reverse the pervasive effects of social disconnection in modern life.
Now, we take a deeper dive into the feelings of loneliness a position of leadership may imbue. Whether within or outside of the workplace, any position of leadership brings with it a particular set of pressures that – if not shared – can create a sense of isolation.
Lonely leaders are not alone
Loneliness is perhaps an even more pervasive feeling among leaders. The literature suggests that leaders from all sectors endure stress, alienation, loneliness and emotional turmoil. In one study, 52 percent of CEOs frequently felt lonely, and a “pervasive sense of loneliness” has been reported by small business owners (Rokach, 2014). This may lead to health problems and negatively affect workplace, social and familial relationships.
Leadership of any kind requires us to deal with people and make decisions on behalf of others and the business, organisation or family, often in the absence of support
In this article, we are not just referring to those in traditional positions of leadership in the workplace, but anyone with leadership responsibilities for people and/or projects, including those leading in the family home or local community. Leadership of any kind requires us to deal with people and make decisions on behalf of others and the business, organisation or family, often in the absence of support. Feeling the pressure to get things right, not only for ourselves but for others, can be a heavy burden to bear – especially when people’s livelihoods depend on it.
The weight of responsibility
The higher we progress up the career ladder, the greater the sense of responsibility we may feel to ensure work is performed successfully and both colleagues and clients are happy and provided for. And often, the greater the sense of imposter syndrome that we’re not up to the task!
Reaching the top positions carries with it the “risk” of experiencing isolation, an inability to share with others and a weight of responsibility that often a leader feels they must carry alone as they shield their team or loved ones from challenges. They often prioritise the needs of others over their own. In the SPVS survey during COVID, practice leaders revealed their top concern was the well-being of their staff over and above their own well-being or business factors (SPVS, 2020).
Men – still more prevalent in leadership positions – are typically more reticent to share feelings, and competitiveness to progress may further inhibit openness. However, it is backward to think that vulnerability is weakness, and we need to encourage authenticity in all forms of leadership. Where leaders are still reticent or lack psychological safety to display their true selves in the workplace, it is vital to ensure this can be exhibited in a safe space beyond work.
It is backward to think that vulnerability is weakness, and we need to encourage authenticity in all forms of leadership
In the same way that standing at the top of a tall ladder feels much more secure with someone “spotting” for us and holding the base, it’s true that good foundations of team support are vital to stop us feeling alone, exposed and wobbly at the top. Asking someone to help does not make it less likely we’ll reach the top – the opposite is true – but we do have to ask for, accept and place our trust in that support.
The challenge of proximity
The closer you are to those you lead, the harder it can be to have difficult conversations (perhaps most evident perhaps in the family home!). The transition to leadership positions within a practice can lead to challenges as we navigate establishing and maintaining appropriate relationships, especially where peers may feel subordinated.
As a leader, remember that we can’t control how other people react to us and can only control our response. You need to be true and kind to yourself and treat others with empathy. Ensure they have the training and support they need, but then it’s up to them to respond appropriately.
The health penalties of lonely leadership
Leaders often sit outside the informal friendship network at work due to the perceived degree of separation and guardedness of the follower group. Even the apprehension of being marginalised or ostracised can lead to feelings of isolation. In addition, increased responsibilities may leave less time for developing and maintaining meaningful connections.
Even the apprehension of being marginalised or ostracised can lead to feelings of isolation
If the feelings of social isolation and bearing of heavy burdens aren’t bad enough, lonely leaders are also more prone to heart disease, obesity and smoking (Lauder et al., 2006). They may also suffer from high blood pressure, reduced immunity and poor sleep. This is in addition to the increased likelihood of depression, reduced cognitive function and impaired mental health (Fetters, 2018) – all reason enough to seek solutions.
Solutions for lonely leaders
The key to all forms of self-care is to recognise the importance of prioritising time and effort to ensure our own well-being. Only then can we be effective in looking after our colleagues and families. Below are a few tips to help develop connections and combat the ill effects of loneliness and isolation.
Take a break
Join groups outside of work where you’re not perceived as the leader, allowing free development of relationships based on the rest of your personality.
Delegate
Spread the function of the leader across the organisation. This not only fosters skills development in your team but also helps them understand and empathise with the challenges you face. It’s often empowering for them to play an active role in solving workplace problems.
Share your vision
Leader–follower relationship quality is often constructed through a shared motivation around common values and vision. Sharing these with the team and actively demonstrating your values will encourage others to do the same so you feel part of the same tribe working towards shared goals. The shadow of the leader falls far over the team – make sure you’re living your values and heading towards a well-defined vision, and people will follow.
Show self-leadership
Leaders who display self-leadership and are willing to be critically self-reflective are more likely to build trust with their followers and benefit from enhanced job satisfaction, better communication and more effective work relationships. In addition, they experience less work stress and a greater sense of well-being (Dolbier et al., 2001). Self-leadership includes self-awareness both as an individual and in relationships, self-learning with dedication to meeting learning needs and self-regulation in modulating responses to foster openness, understanding and empathy.
Leaders who display self-leadership and are willing to be critically self-reflective are more likely to build trust with their followers and benefit from enhanced job satisfaction, better communication and more effective work relationships
Be vulnerable
While people do want to feel confident that their leaders are competent to guide them effectively, they also want to know that the people who are leading them are human beings. They want to feel able to bring their whole selves to work, safe in the knowledge that their leaders can empathise.
This is where traditional ideas of ivory tower strength and leadership don’t serve us well. Rather than shielding and protection from perils, what we need from leaders is openness to share and meet the challenges the business, organisation or family faces together. Coupled with encouragement and support to develop and harness individual strengths in the team, such leadership empowers the collective to face and overcome challenges together.
Journalling
Journal writing is one of the easiest and simplest methods of dealing with feelings of isolation. A problem shared is a problem halved, even if it’s with a sheet of paper.
Get support
Whether it’s leadership coaching, peer support from other leaders or discussing with a good friend or partner, sharing the challenges of leadership – including fears and concerns, struggles and failures – is vital to unload and get support in a constructive and meaningful way.
Final thoughts
In today’s lonely world, human connection is everyone’s job. It’s an essential part of building a great place to work and a healthier, happier society. One vital role of being, and indeed thriving, as a leader is to foster healthy workplace connections. A key element of this is to show up and be open, transparent and vulnerable, empowering the team to help face challenges and work towards shared goals by utilising the varied skill sets on offer.
Through workplace connection and support networks outside the workplace, leaders who benefit from authentic social connections will experience less stressful and more productive workplaces
Through workplace connection and support networks outside the workplace, leaders who benefit from authentic social connections will experience less stressful and more productive workplaces. Not only does this benefit the leader and their team, but it also displays to others the vital role connection plays in combatting the ill effects of loneliness in individuals, workplaces and society. For a social species, a great leader will recognise the value and foster the development of true, meaningful connections for themselves and their teams.
